A positive push

A week on since I went to the physio and I'm due back on Thursday. I am still getting a lot of pain in my shins so really need to concentrate on the exercises she gave me. To be honest, after I realised I couldn't do the run, I decided there wasn't any point in doing them. I'm missing running now though and really want to get back into it.

I think because I have felt such a lack of control over my life recently, I have decided to gain some back. So next week I'm doing something about my weight and therefore my self esteem. I was due to go out with the girls this Saturday just gone but declined on this occasion. The reason was because my lovely Step-Dad has been staying (and still is) so I felt it would be rude to leave for a night, but also, a big part of it was how I feel in my skin. I am totally not confident in myself and I've taken a hit since this leg issue. Also I felt I couldn't face anyone after cancelling my participation in the race as I feel guilt about it. I feel like I know I can't do it, but that people won't believe me and I feel I need to justify it which sounds like excuses to people. Does that make sense? So anyway, I've decided I need to take back control. I'm going back on the Cambridge Plan. I have had great results with it in the past. I lost and maintained the first round. The second time I done it, I had a consultant with no real interest in helping or advising. I really need that. I need the motivation and encouragement. I hope I have found the right person this time!

I'm looking forward to a new chapter in my life. I really want it. I want to feel better in myself and healthier. Wish me luck..or just send positive vibes. xx

It's been a while!

It's been a while since I last wrote and a lot has happened in between. Here is a list of runs I have done since my last post:

Date                             Distance                       Time


25/07/2015              Ran 7.03 km                   0:59:00

05/08/2015              Ran 4.68 km                   0:44:48

06/082015              Walk 7.00 km                  2:42:17

07/082015              Ran 5.06 km                    0:43:56

09/08/2015              Ran 5.06 km                   0:44:47

So when on my hols I ran pretty much every other day. This was a lovely run, right along the coast and up through the town and included up hills. I really enjoyed it. I got out really early in the morning before it got hot and more importantly, before it got crowded!

On the last run I have put above, my legs hurt during and worse afterwards. They hurt most of the day, even when walking. The following day I might have had a few twinges, but nothing too bad so when I woke up the next morning for my run, I didn't think about it until I started running. 10 metres down the road and my legs were killing. So much so that I had to walk back to the caravan. 

I was a bit concerned because I have had shin splints lots of times but these didn't feel like that could be the issue. However, I decided to rest them. 

So, I began my rest on 11th August. I got back off hols and still rested. However, still by week ending 23rd August my legs were still intermittently giving me pains and whilst just resting, walking, any time and no time specifically. At one point I woke up in the night and my right leg, (lower and to the left) was so sore that my pyjama bottoms hurt it if they brushed against it. So the other half rang up Bupa who we as a family have cover via his work, and after a triage call, they got me an appointment with a physiotherapist. So I went along there this Monday just gone and she prodded (which hurt), watched me run, looked at my gait,  my foot positioning, strength etc. She looked into my medical and family history and had a general of my legs and a chat. Oddly I seem to have a weaker right leg (pants at balancing, strength not good) and she felt scar tissue down the side that hurts.  My right foot has less mobility and my ankles seem to be weak. I asked her if I should do the Great North Run and she advised against due to the obvious leg pain and the very short time left to the race. So I suggested going for a trial run to test the legs. and then deciding from there. She agreed it was a sound plan and gave me exercise instructions for my legs. 

So, I went eagerly on my trial run and was buzzing when I got more than 10 metres. Even when my back started hurting I was not phased. I kept on. It was hard as I hadn't run for 2 weeks. Then at 1.8 km, my legs started hurting. I pushed on a bit further but gave up and walked back at around 2.4 km. Gutted. I made the decision that night that I couldn't take part in the run on 13th September. It was a hard decision and I feel really guilty about letting other people and myself down. I just can't risk further damage. Especially when we are as yet not certain what the issue is. 

That night my legs twinged a little but not too bad. The day after was worse, as was the day after that. I have another appointment with the physio next week and she said she may get me refered for x-rays to see if there is a stress fracture. We'll see what happens from there. 

So I am going to defer my place in the race till next year. I don't want to stop running because it has given me a new lease of life. I'm fitter than I have been in years. This time last year I couldn't run for a bus! 

So that's it. Bummer! But you know, it's not the end. Watch this space, I'll be back x

how low can you go?

Am feeling pretty low at the moment. Several reasons for it and more keep popping up and adding to it. I have an insect bit on my leg which is painful, and it's huge. About 3 inches x 3 inches. The bit itself is itchy and blistered. James reckons it's a spider bite. I've had it for about 4 days now.

The other thing is I've done something to my arm. The one with the metal plates in it. No idea what but it's so painful it's waking me up during the night. The last 2 nights I've been very close to going to the hospital to get it x-rayed. The trouble is, it's probably only a sprain so if I go to A&E they will think I'm wasting their time.

I've been feeling so poop with it all, I've not been on a run since the weekend and I really want to because I've got a route sorted.

So I'm feeling rough and today I'm feeling depressed. Mainly family oriented and to do with how little, people seem to give a poop. Already had my Christmas get together ideas shot down in a ball of flames. Doesn't help that then I look at lovely Mel's justgiving page which she set up a few weeks ago and she has got loads more raised than me in that short period and I have had mine set up for months. It's not a surprise but it still hurts that my family don't want to bother supporting me. They have not once said, 'good on you for trying to achieve a goal' or 'well done on that run, you did well' or liked a mapmyrun update on facebook, or looked at my blog or anything.

Not a good day today. I'm feeling sorry for myself, upset and angry. Hate days like these.

I have a plan, Stan.

I have a plan. I am going to up my distance by small amounts each run and at the same time think about my pace and stride. I was flying solo again today and noticed that I start off faster than I should.  So I get breathless really quick and can't regulate my breathing.  So I slowed my pace down, took longer strides and I could run further for longer without a break. 

I didn't listen to music because I am finding it is putting me off and I find it hard not to adjust my pace to the beat. I did have a tune in my head the entire way round though,  Let the River Run by Carly Simon.

Now its the summer holidays so my weekday morning runs are no more.  So I'm going to have to either do very early morning or after the hubby gets home from work.

I ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 6.29km, time: 52:35, pace: 8:22min/km, speed: 7.17km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/1079022773

Dizzy with a side of headaches

On Friday  I went for a solo run. Both my Tuesday and Wednesday runs had been cancelled due to waiting in for a mechanic and kids being ill so I really wanted to get a good one in.

Oh dear. Whatever I did before I ran, was not right.  I couldn't find get my breath, I was dizzy and had blinding headaches that I had to stop and not complete my circuit.  Very disappointed.

I ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 4.00km, time: 37:00, pace: 9:15min/km, speed: 6.49km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/1076597437

Sorry! Busy busy busy

Apologies for the delay in new posts. It seems that life has been mad. so, here is a catch up of my runs:

17/06/15 - 5.11 km
24/06/15 - 5.04 km
28/06/15 - 5.02 km (solo)
07/07/15 - 5.03 km

Going out on Sunday morning and hopefully will get a solo one in between now and then. Am going to start pushing the distance up each week. I've started incorporating some sprinting in to the runs, at the end. Also, I've been missing a trick. I usually start running, can't breath so take asthma pumps, then it takes a while for my chest to open up and I'm fine. However on the last run I took some ventolin before I started running and didn't get the usual problem.

Also, I've decided to do the Stockton River Rat Race next year. It's 10 km running, obstacles, swimming etc. m actually excited about it. Not terribly excited about the GNR though..

Not today thank-you!

No exercise for me today. The pollen count is high and boy I can really feel it. My asthma is really playing me up today. So a rest day for me. in the mean time, here's a very handsome man:

Being a Mum and having time for..well, this.

I just skimmed through an article on Women's Running Magazine about what morning runs are really like for mums and to be honest, I didn't see anything relevant in it. I have to run or exercise in the morning because my 4 year old is in nursery, mornings only, until September when Reception year begins and I gain some more of my day back for me.

So, this is my morning when I exercise. I get up, have to have at least 1 cup of tea to wake up and feel human. I get the kids fed, washed and dressed for school. I get myself into my work-out attire, get the kids into school at about 8.50 and get back to the house for about 9.10am. If all has gone ok in the morning and I have had time, I would have had breakfast, other wise I root round trying to find something high energy and low fat. I get my water, take asthma pumps and start my dvd. I am usually finished by 10.15, then I get an ice pack for 15 mins while i'm recovering. By 10.30 I'm rooting around for something to eat (pref healthy), then I'm in the shower and getting ready to pick my lad up for 11.20.

When I run, I drop the boys off at school, meet Mel outside the school and either run from there or drive elsewhere to run. I am concious of the fact that I have to be back by 11 at the latest so I can have 15 mins with an ice pack on my stupid back, then jump in the shower before I collect my son. It means that, unlike the 'Mom' in the article,  I can't get really long runs into my schedule during the week. This is why I've been running weekends.

I have a structured regime. I know how long I have to complete a task, how quick I can eat and how quick I can shower and dress. It's not relaxing, and if I have an injury I have to factor in time, and so decrease my time exercising/running, to compensate for this.

I am so grateful to get my child back at 11.20 that I really don't mind though. I grab him and hug him tight and feel tears in my eyes as I feel how much I've missed him in those short hours I've been away from him.

Today is the 3rd anniversary of my Mum's death. Sudden and unexpected. It makes me realise how uncertain every day is.

To my Mum, who I miss every day. An old old photo, but my Mum and I.

Shaun T Rocks!!

As I mentioned before I started Insanity on Monday and it's AWESOME!! It's so mad I was dripping with sweat! I'm really trying so I hope I see good results. Just got to get my eating on the straight and narrow now. Keep away from the bread Emma, keep away from the bread...

Slowly slowly catchy monkey

Love this. It's so me!

shared from The Running Bug.

Arrrggggghhh

Today is Sunday and while most sane people were sleeping or chilling in front of the telly in their jammies, nursing a cup of tea and/or hangover; I was at Wynyard woodland walkway aka Castle Eden walkway, attempting to commit hari kari.

Mel and I joined her slimming world members  for a run. They were doing 12 miles and we were attempting to keep them within our sights. A lovely group of people and utterly different to the last group I ran with, which is great.

I've been hating running recently.  I keep asking myself why I'm putting myself through this torture. At the moment that is what it feels like! Today was no different. We did a really good long run but at stages I felt ill, physically sick,  light headed,  tight chested and generally at deaths door. Burning tummy (hence the hari kari reference), chest which didn't open up when it usually does and leg ache. I kind of thought that I would feel better having gone back to meat, and while I suppose I must given the distance we covered,  I still felt just dreadful.

Bless Mel, she's such a trouper.  So positive and determined. I feel like a complete misery in comparison. 

Still,  14km. That is getting near Great North Run length. We just need to do it more than once a week, even if it's not that length each time. Tomorrow I'm starting the Insanity programme and there is a boot camp at the barrage on an evening I might go to. I really need to work my core.

My back started hurting towards the end of the run today. Toenails as well.  Need to get a bum bag!

I ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 14.46km, time: 02:19:00, pace: 9:37min/km, speed: 6.24km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/1017999335

Tired and stressed out

Mel and I ran the Tees barrage last week. It was really challenging.  Not because it's the Tees Barrage but because I was exhausted.  Nothing left bone dry tired. I've been so tired recently that I could sleep during the day. I think it is because I have been really bad with my diet. Too lethargic to cook anything decent so living off fried haloumi,  cheese pasties and tins of chickpea Dahl which has played havoc with my tummy. So, I decided to go back to eating meat. To up my protein and iron intake to give me some more support while I'm training.  So this run was hard and emotional and I changed my diet afterwards.

I ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 5.78km, time: 54:19, pace: 9:24min/km, speed: 6.39km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/1012057835

The River Tees and the Tees Barrage

Today we decided to change our view so we went over to the Tees Barrage and began our run from there. What a glorious day for it.  The sun is shining and the River Tees looked serene. We had a really nice run. My first time along the river walk. I didn't realise how many nature reserves sit alongside it. It's a haven for wildlife. We didn't spot the famous seal though!  There were lots of people out running, walking dogs, cycling and taking in the scenery. At the barrage there were a group of kayakers taking on the course. I hadn't realised how popular and used the Barrage and the Tees river way is. 

Mel took some photos when we got to Newport Bridge which I've nicked for the blog. She had been holding her phone though so they are a bit blurred from the sweat!  

Didn't do bad and hopefully we'll have another run on Sunday.

I ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 7.20km, time: 01:08:13, pace: 9:28min/km, speed: 6.33km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/992745419

Hard one today

Wow it felt like it was back to the beginning today. First run for 2 weeks due to my achy back and boy it was really difficult. Totally self inflicted of course. Since i hurt my back I've been on 'don't give a shit' mode. Eating crap, drinking crap, late nights and laziness. Last night I ate half a pack of cheese doritos and humus and had fried haloumi for dinner. Hold the salad. I also had a few glasses of wine which is silly because I don't sleep well if I drink.

So today I felt as though my legs were going to give in, my head was going to explode and I was only fit to drop. Still, a run is better than no run.

My back ached at first but was fine by the end. Eased up a bit I guess. Now I'm sitting with an ice pack on my back as instructed. Then off to shower.

We ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 5.08km, time: 46:46, pace: 9:12min/km, speed: 6.52km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/983027495

A short pause!

So last week we did 10KM. Amazing! So proud! 

This week however I've had to take a break. My back has been troublesome for years ever since I done it in trying to remove a tree stump from my garden. I didn't go to the doctors as I just thought I'd torn muscles, but I was laid up in bed for a week and had to use a stick to help me walk the few metres to the bathroom. 

So I've been having trouble recently, especially after a run, and my friend suggests a Sports Physiotherapist she uses for her dodgy back. I went to see him yesterday and he asked me a lot of questions, done some tests and it seems I may have slipped a disc all those years ago. Explains why ever since then I have had back issues, sciatica and tight muscles. 

After some vertebrae compressions and a deep tissue massage, which was uncomfortable to say the least, I went away with an exercise regime and feeling fab! 

Started to feel less fab the more the day went on and by evening I was relying on heat pads to ease my sore muscles. 

Today I am bruised and sore but hopeful that I will get back to running next week. In the meantime I'll be exercising gently and working on my core.

At least I have an answer now and can start to recover. I'm going back to see him in 4 weeks time. 

Mel, love her, made me up a soothing lavender oil to help ease my back. I have lovely friends!!

OMG!!!!!! 10km

How amazing do I feel right now? ?Pretty bloody amazing! I am so proud of what we have achieved today. 

We ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 10.13km, time: 01:31:59, pace: 9:05min/km, speed: 6.61km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/963150141

Had to have a celebration selfie with Mel.

GO US!

Feeling awesome!!

Amazing run with Mel this afternoon.  Really pushed ourselves. Room in a scenic route through lovely Hartburn. So proud of us!!

I ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 7.01km, time: 58:45, pace: 8:23min/km, speed: 7.16km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/959176089

Are you Bikini Ready? Well, I have one..

The latest round of body conscious/shaming adverts are here. 'Are you Beach Ready?'. Honestly? Yes. Physically I am totally beach ready. If 'Beach Ready' means:

'Do you own a bathing suit of some kind? Do you have a beach towel and some sun cream? Can you physically enter a beach? Do you have footwear to enable you to cope with the scalding hot sand? Are you able to find a lounger or lay your towel down on said beach? Could you swim or paddle if you so choose to?  All in front of strange or not so strange people!!?'..

then yes. I am 'Beach Ready'.

If you mean, am I mentally ready for the beach, then personally... probably not. I may have to fight some demons to get to that point. I may dare the beach if I have the good fortune to feel, at that moment in time, like I don't give a shit about what people think of me. If I feel strong and fit in myself, I may. If I feel that the guilt of denying my children the joy in swimming with me on our holidays is too much to handle, then yes, I probably, might, maybe, will.

So why do I not feel mentally ready? What has happened in my life to make me feel so body conscious?  Perhaps I am a bit accustomed to the world I live in considering a 'Beach Body' as one of a body size I will probably never achieve. It's pretty sad. If you are not a model size, does that mean that you can't be 'Beach Ready'? Is it such a disgusting idea to put a plus sized woman into a bathing suit? Will my half naked, plus sized body make members of the public spontaneously throw up as soon as my sandalled feet step onto the beach? Will the picnic lunch I dare to eat in public, fill my beach neighbours with such disgust that they feel the need to cast scornful looks my way, and whisper loudly to their friends about the audacity I have to eat at my size? Possibly. Should I care? Probably not.

It's the fashion world who are pushing the image that to be plus sized (over a size 14 to me and you), is to be lazy and disgusting and ashamed of your body. It's the same fashion world who a few years ago promoted the curvaceous figure as being the ideal body shape. How many actual human beings have the same body ideal though? Not as many as you think!

Plus sized models have a MASSIVE following. Personally, I love Tess Holliday. I envy her. She has self respect and beauty, and I wish that I had even half of her self confidence.

I have said from the beginning that this is not about the scales. It's about how fit I get and how I deal with family history.  I really wish I hadn't named this Full Fat to Full Fit. It sounds as though I have issues with the word 'Fat' and to be honest, I don't! It's not about Fat to Thin. I'm NEVER going to be thin again, and I wouldn't want to be. What I want, above all else, regardless of size and weight, is to feel confident. To feel good when I look in a mirror, and that perception is entirely personal.

For those of you also on your journey to self respect, I wish you, above all else, health and happiness xx

The Penguin Chronicles. Waddle on, Friends.

My lovely friend Stacey just introduced me to this amazing blogger. His name is John Bingham and he wrote a monthly column in Runner's World Magazine from 1996 to 2009. I feel such a connection, being a fellow waddler, plus he's so funny! I am sure many of you already know and love him but here is the link for those of you who don't. Waddle on my friends!

Hard run today. Phew!

Feeling amazing but tired! We tried a longer route round the back of Oxbridge,  looping back to Hartburn Lane. Mel made a great point today. When you consider what we were doing when we first started,  there is no reason we can't be ready for the big race in September.

I ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 5.86km, time: 52:06, pace: 8:54min/km, speed: 6.74km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/953652743

Smashed it!

Mel and I went for our Wednesday run today and despite feeling rough (late nights and forgetting to take my preventor for me and Mel woke up not feeling it today) and needing to have a few wee stops, we really pushed ourselves and smashed 5K!!! My stupid phone didn't record the run. Keeps coming up with 'Sim failed, restart device' which is annoying! So I saved Mel's as mine as we did it together. pace might be slightly off as my legs are shorter but, distance is the same. Awesome!!

RAN 5.42 KM ON 15/04/2015

DISTANCE

5.42km

DURATION

51:33

AVG PACE

09:30

http://www.mapmyrun.com/workout/943731205

Feeling tired but good!

Knock back. Or should I say, reality check.

Last night I tried out a 3 mile running group local to me. Boy did I struggle. Everyone else was faster than me and I just haven't got the stamina to keep going. It was highly humiliation, very depressing and demoralising.  One of the girls even wrote on the website this morning that she had never done so many loop backs. it was even suggested by one of the ladies that I should do the beginners couch to 5k course the instructor runs. I don't think they believed that I do run. I felt so exhausted. I don't know whether it was because it was an evening and I always run in the mornings or because i was run down (I had the shakes all day. Not sure what that was about).  So i was terrible and people did a lot of talking and whispering. I'm sure all meant kindly or sympathetically but it really affected me and i was really down last night and very tearful this morning. I even cancelled going to see a friend due to spontaneous bouts of hysterics.  However,  since then I have, in a panic that I'd never be able to do a half marathon,  found a few sites which offer reassurance.  So anyway, here is my run last night. Read it and weep! I ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 4.85km, time: 50:19, pace: 10:23min/km, speed: 5.78km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/942434387

Easter hols run

Hi all! I've been away visiting family in London for the easter hols.  Had a fantastic time, took the kids to lego land as an early birthday treat and spent some quality time with family. I did get in a run. I dragged my brother out and he is actually really fit! So we did some elevations. Heron hill is blooming steep and no I didn't run it all but I did give it a try! So here are the details and link. If you  go on the link it shows you the elevations. .
I ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 4.29km, time: 45:37, pace: 10:38min/km, speed: 5.64km/h. http://mapmyrun.com/workout/929006533

Race for Life 10k

Forgot to mention, Mel and I are thinking about doing a 10k Race for Life in July. Something nearer to aim for! Exciting! Trouble is, it will be another thing to raise money for which is great in theory. In practice however... You only have to look at my justgiving page to realise how difficult it is.

Make the effort...but I don't want to!!

I'm tired today. Still full of cold and feeling meh but that irritating little person in my head was moaning. 'You are going to work out today aren't you?' 'You can't seriously be thinking about missing another day??'. Meh. I gave in because the little voice was starting to sound panicky. No More Trouble Zones done. No running today because it's Easter Hols and the kids are here. All. the. time... Meh.

Feeling hot hot hot

Despite both Mel and I being run down and feeling rough, we tried our best. Distance: 4.44km, time: 40:29, pace: 9:07min/km, speed: 6.58km/h.  We went a different route on our run today, again taking in the lovely Ropner Park and passing by some of the gorgeous houses backing into it. I was concerned at first that people would be mean and shout rude things at us but you know, people round here are really friendly  we get a lot of positivity and encouragement.

Really warm now! It's like I'm wearing an electric blanket. I love my coat. It's bright pink as you can see in the photo. This is the one where the zip broke last week or whenever it was.  Seems ok now. Plus,  it's looser on me! Yes! I'm loosing my tummy!! 

I noticed today that I can really feel my tummy muscles working when I run, which is great. You know I really think my core work outs are paying off.

Question. If I'm not wearing my coat in summer, what do I do with all my stuff? Asthma pump, keys, tissues etc?

No More Trouble Zones. Jillian Michaels kicks butt!

Just done shy of an hour of concentrated trouble zones workout. PHEW! I'm seriously shattered! I haven't got this on DVD but I found it here on youtube! Awesome! I love Jillian Michaels. For those who are thinking, who on earth is this woman going on about. Here's a link to here webpage. She was/is one of the trainers on America's Biggest Loser. The first DVD I came across was 30 Day Shred and it worked wonders. She has a huge following and there are some great Facebook communities offering support and advice to others following her regimes. I've done loads of exercise dvds and hers are top of my list at the moment! Right, I'm off to recover in a dark room...

Another day, another fab run

I ran with MapMyRun! Distance: 4.32km, time: 40:24, pace: 9:21min/km, speed: 6.41km/h.

Woo hoo.  Feeling awesome! Mel and I were buzzing afterwards!

Tired feet, and some advice needed

Ran 3.68 km today with Mel and we were joined today by her significant other. We did some good incline practice and took in the lovely Ropner Park on our way round. Was a cold but lovely morning.  I used bugmiles app to track it but there was a problem with their server so it won't show me the route. Grrrr.  Have just downloaded Map my Run to see if that does better.  If anyone has any suggestions of good apps,  please let  me know!

Oh and my karrimor jacket zip broke on the way round. Managed to get it unstuck but may have to get a better jacket.

Lastly, my hands sweat so much when I run, what can I do about it?? Any advice will be gratefully received.

Product Testing Arla Protein

I recently signed up to product test Arla Protein through Bzzagent. It is basically a high protein quark based product which gives you 20g of protein per pot. I tried the only one they had in my local large Tesco, raspberry. Now I like raspberry yoghurt, I like Greek natural yoghurt which can be a little sharp. I hated this unfortunately. The after-taste was awful so I had a couple of spoonfuls. My 3 year old liked it though! Nice idea but I'll stick to eggs for a quick protein snack next time.

Jillian Michaels kicks butt

I still have a poorly child here today and was going to just sort out the house and call this my day off. Then my running partner in crime, Mel posted on fb that she was at the gym giving it some. Made me feel quite lazy so I thought I'd better get off my butt and get on with it  So, another day, another workout. 

Today I fancied mixing it up a little so tried Jillian Michaels' "Killer Buns and Thighs". It kicks some major butt! I'm absolutely niknacked.  I got through it though, I didn't phone it in! Even if I was flailing around like a beached whale at times.  Fabulous to see even the hardened gym babes on the dvd struggling through some of it though!

I was observed by my 6 year old who, when I'd finished (and was preoccupied with trying to move without collapsing),  said, shall we do level 3 now?.... and on that bombshell. . Goodnight!

Had a great run with Mel yesterday and was going to go again today but the eldest is off school with a temperature so had to be content with Ripped in 30. Upped the hand weights today. Gotta love that burn. Saw this article - 14 Reasons Women Should Never Lift Weights. Made me laugh.

This is 40. Well, this year is 40.

I was supposed to be going on a run this morning but British Gas have been round to install loft insulation, plus I have my eldest son off school with a sore throat. It'll have to be a work out this arvo after a friend has been round for a cuppa. I get a bit panicked when my plans have to be changed. It is the same feeling I get when I procrastinate.

As I said in a previous post, I am trying to get fit for me. A lot has to do with self esteem issues. A lot has to do with getting older and fearing death (for some reason I have become more fearful as I've got older. Perhaps it's just because I have kids). I used to joke about being old because I am older than most of the school run mums. It doesn't feel so funny at the moment. This year is a biggie age wise. This year is 40. I actually feel ok with being 40.

I'm not a girly girl. I don't wear make up every day, I bite my fingernails, I prefer jeans and converse to skirts and heels. Goodness, the last time I wore heels I nearly broke a leg. This ageing business though has got me thinking that maybe I should be taking more care of myself.  Perhaps this is another reason that getting fit is more important to me than it has been in the past.

The thing is, I still feel relatively young. I don't feel ready to don the Miss Mary of Sweden. That's why when someone recently called me 'young lady' and someone else immediately said 'young??', It was a bit of a realisation that actually, to that person, that early 20 something year old, I'm not at all young!

ps. do you have FB mates who only ever comment on your status to correct you on something? Really really annoying!!!

I've set up a Just Giving Fundraising page. Mel and I are running for the Butterwick Hospice. Mel currently works for them and I have previously volunteered for them. They are an amazing charity. Their mission is to care for as many people as possible of all ages who are living with a progressive life limiting illness. All services are provided free of charge to those diagnosed and their loved ones. They have three hospices, one in Stockton, Butterwick Hospice at Bishop Auckland and the Butterwick House Children's Hospice in Stockton. 

This is the first time I am publishing the page. I haven't shared it yet as to be honest I thought people would laugh at the fact that I am doing the run. It's the same reason I suppose that I haven't shared this blog yet. I think I will now though. Afterall, what have I got to lose? Oh yeah, dignity, self-esteem etc etc......

Music to watch the world go by..

Everyone has their favourite tracks to work out or run to. I mean they have CD's specifically marketed for these purposes! They are mostly high energy pop/dance/hip hop or whatever. When I was painfully bored doing exercise DVDs, to the point where I felt if I heard the nagging instructor tell me not to phone it in one more time, I might kick the TV, I turned the volume down and played Johnny Cash.  I have quite eclectic tastes and my list doesn't begin to sum up the kind of musical influences in my life but here is my running list as it currently stands (it's long and I don't shuffle...so ner!):

Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult

A Boy Named Sue - Johnny Cash

A Little Respect - Erasure

All Over the World - ELO

Bicycle Race - Queen

Borderline - Madonna

Cold Day in Hell - Gary Moore

Country Road - James Taylor

Don't Bring me Down - ELO

Don't Stop Me Now - Queen

Down with the Trumpets - Rizzle Kicks

Drop the Pilot - Joan Armatrading

Games Without Frontiers - Peter Gabriel

Happy - Pharell Williams

Heart Skips a Beat - Olly Murs

I walk the Line - Johnny Cash

I'm Still Standing - Elton John

Let the River Run - Carly Simon

Like a Prayer - Madonna

Me Myself I - Joan Armatrading

Oliver's Army - Elvis Costello

Rent - Pet Shop Boys

Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash

Rosie - Joan Armatrading

Solsbury Hill - Peter Gabriel

Something in the way - James Taylor

Take it Easy - Eagles

Voulez Vous - Erasure

Sweet Harmony - Beloved

It's my Life - Bon Jovi

Blaze of Glory - Bon Jovi

Don't Leave me this Way - Communards

Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits

The Boys of Summer - -Don Henley

Turn to Stone - ELO

Is she really going out with him? - Joe Jackson

California - Joni Mitchell

Five Miles Out - Mike Oldfield

Carey - Joni Mitchell

Graceland - Paul Simon

Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel

Surfin Bird - Sha Na Na

Sometimes you need a faster beat, sometimes you need music with determination, sometimes I like to sing as I run along... at least people know when I'm coming...

It's a crack, I'm back and I'm standing on the rooftop shouting out, BABY I'M READY TO GO!

Ok so I've been naughty and not posted as promised. I give you my word that this will change.

It has only been this past week that I have got back into it. I blame the snow and ice, being tight chested and being super busy. pathetic excuses I know!

For the past 2 weeks I've been doing the 30 abs and squats and Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30. I have done the 30 Day Shred before but to be honest when I tried it again, I was bored senseless so needed something new and Ripped in 30 has sparked my enthusiasm! I ran last week by myself and I have to say I really struggled and it made me a bit panicky. I mean I'm only on week 5 of Couch to 5K and I only have until September to get GNR fit. I knew I had to up my game.

Of course I was a little silly and didn't eat before my run last week which wouldn't have helped much. Today I had crunchy nut cornflakes. Yes, I know. Not very healthy but I was running (ha ha) late and couldn't be bothered to cook eggs.

Since my last post I have changed my diet a bit. It's not for any particular health or moral reasons. I've just decided not to eat meat. I've gone off it. I'm not a vegetarian, I'd like to point that out (it's a waiver in case I fancy a bacon sarnie) but I am choosing for the time being not to eat meat. It's not alien to me. I was a veggie for 10 years when I was younger so have slipped back into it with ease. It helps that I like veggies I suppose!

I have to say I am struggling for meal inspiration though. I've tired out my very old Vegetarian Society cookbook from back in the day and am struggling to find something else. I don't like tofu, I don't mind soya or Quorn (Quorn is made here on Teesside btw) but what I dislike about veggie cook books is there is a lot of the same recipes. Not that I was anything gourmet. I can't be bothered to go to loads of effort. Just not nut roast this and tofu that. Personally I love lentils and would be happy with those every day if it were not for unfortunate side effects!

I've brought a book called The Meat Free Athlete. I've not had a chance to delve into it yet but hopefully when I skip past the Americanisms there will be things I can adapt for over here. Plus it gets a great write up on Amazon so I had to try it.

So I digress. Today Melanie (my running partner in crime) and I went for a run. I've uploaded a selfie of me afterwards (I'm sure I read that that means I'm a psychopathic or something?!). It's a cold day today and pavements were a little slippy but it was great to get some fresh air and blow the cobwebs away. Plus, you know, it's great to run with someone else, helps control breathing, it's less boring and time flies.

Now I'm going to shower because I'm sweating like a porker. Laters!

How it all began

In 2014 I decided to get fit for my holiday. I did slimming world at first but couldn't get my head around some of the recommended foods etc. Low fat this and processed that, so I decided to quit that route. I started to try and eat healthy and clean and most importantly, exercise. 

Jillian Michaels gave me the motivation as did some of the very excellent facebook pages dedicated to her programmes. I did the 30 day shred. I have never been so fit. I went on my hols but didn't manage to get motivated again once I came back so to be honest, I lost a lot of strength and ate like a beast so gained a load of weight. 

Then in September as the kids were starting back at school, a fellow mum and I were speaking about our mutual need to get fit and she mentioned that she was thinking of entering the 2015 Great North Run. Jumping at it, I downloaded the Couch to 5k (C25K) programme to my mobile and got started. We were doing pretty well, running once a week together and I was doing every other day alone. That all went well until winter and I have been blighted by throat and chest infections. This latest once had me reaching for the nebuliser and on a course of steroids as well as the antibiotics. 

So, we are now in 2015 and I am finding my motivation again. Trying to at least. Hence this blog. I don't want to know how much I weigh. Scales are not my friend. All I care about is how I feel FOR ME! I also don't want to drop down dead of a heart attack like my mum so there's an extra incentive right there! 

So I am roughly a size 16 (can't believe I'm admitting that!!) and I want to shape up, get fit and complete the Great North Run. I'm not dieting, I'm eating clean and lean. I'm not weighing myself and I'm not obsessing about having a glass of wine or some chocolate (actually I don't like chocolate so not sure why I put that.. Change that for bombay mix). My overall aim is to get fit, regardless what shape I end up. If that makes sense! 

In the meantime I have started on the crosstrainer and am doing 30 day abs and squat programme. I have a docs appointment on Friday as I've just come to the end of my steroids so am hoping I'll get the all clear, they can puff up my asthma meds if they like, I don't mind. I just want to get running again. I think I'm going to have to go back a few weeks on the C2K but that's fine. Slowly slowly catchy monkey. 

Motivation for me today as been to set up this blog, join www.therunningbug.co.uk , say yes! to joining a local running group, and signed up for a 5k run in March. 

I'll post some no doubt horrific pics when I don my running gear next week. Please be kind..